I Want to Hug My Baby

My youngest is at school. Every day, when she wakes up, we snuggle for awhile. Nearly every day, she says, "I'm going to miss you today" in the cutest voice.

Every day, I tell her I always miss her.

Today I read about a study that says hugging can have a measurable affect on our emotional state. That may sound like one of those "of course" studies, like, "thanks for spending all that money to come to a conclusion that we already knew!" But I think this goes further than just the fact that hugs make us happy. And, of course, it gets complicated.

First, this study actually quanitified how much a hug can lower our stress response, especially to conflict.

Parents, this is a tool for us.

How often have you looked at your child that is whining or shouting at you, crying about something you don't understand or just don't have time to deal with right then? Do you feel like you need to take time to untangle the knotty emotions that are compelling them to feel so deeply and react so strongly?

You can cut through a lot of that with a hug. Often, when my (very emotional) younger daughter is going through something BIG, something I often cannot grasp even with extended conversation, I will simply gather her in my arms and give her a long hug. I don't silence her; I let her continue to tell me what she needs to say, though often she quiets pretty quickly. Sometimes I ask her questions, and we work through the problem. Sometimes, she just moves on.

Most times, the hug is an effective way to connect with someone who is just unable to really express all that she is feeling.

Scientists have found that a long hug can lower the "fight or flight" response that we feel when facing some conflict. And it's not just our kids that need that; sometimes parents need the chance to just skip over the fight part of the situation. The response is true regardless of age or gender.

However, there are people - of all ages and genders - who do not like hugging, who are adverse to touch and will react the opposite way to an attempted hug. There are alternatives that we can go into another day, and it's better to skip this attempted shortcut. In the meantime, this article from Quora can help provide some guidance.